Can You Spot Others’ Strengths?

When was the last time you walked into a meeting with a colleague with the deliberate intention of spotting their strengths?  If the answer doesn’t roll off the tip of your tongue, don’t feel bad.

The truth is while it’s relatively easy to spot the worst in others, finding the best in people and ways you can bring more of this out in their work isn’t something most of us naturally excel at.

Scientists have long understood that while we all share a deep psychological need to be respected, valued and appreciated, the negativity bias hardwired into our brain makes us much better at spotting what we don’t like about people, rather than their strengths.

So is there a way you can retrain your brain to help you see the best in others? 

Why is it worth spotting strengths in others?

Well to be honest here the science is still catching up.

There is a growing evidence base that when leaders focus on spotting and appreciating the strengths – rather than the weaknesses – of their employees, people perform better.

But how does it impact people whom we’re not leading?

I saw the power of this spotting strengths in others first hand, when I was lucky enough to spend more than a decade working alongside a man named Jim Stynes.  Jim was an Irishman who came to Australia to play professional football and along the way donated his time to help thousands of teenagers find the confidence to achieve.

He was a master and looking for the strengths in others and then telling them what he saw and in today’s episode of Chelle McQuaid TV I’ll share his secret.

How can you start spotting strengths in other people at work?

If like me you’re not as proficient as Jim was at seeing people’s strengths, try these three simple steps to spotting strengths in others.

Firstly, before you head into your next meeting or conversation at work remind yourself to look for the best in the people you’ll be seeing.

As things get underway look for the moments where they’re more engaged, energized and enjoying what they’re talking about or doing.  Often their bodies will literally start to lean in to the conversation, the body language might become more animated and the tone of voice and pace of speech tend to be uplifted.  You’ll find more tips on spotting strengths here from Dr. Alex Linley.

Secondly, as you leave the meeting or conversation use the cheat sheet below of VIA Character Strengths to help you spot which strengths they may have been using.  Again think back to those moments when they lit up, which strengths might have been in action.

Finally, follow up your interaction with a call or a note of thanks for their time and include a little appreciation for the strengths you saw in play.

For example if you think their strength might be curiosity you might say: “Thanks for taking the time to meet today, I really valued the questions you were asking to help us get a better outcome on this project.”

As I’ve experimented with this in my own relationships at work I’ve discovered more important than actually getting the strength right every time, is showing up with the willingness to look and offer appreciative feedback.  It takes only a moment of my time and it’s been instrumental in improving even my most difficult relationships.

Want more help on spotting strengths in others? Read more here from Dr. Alex Linley on strength spotting or watch this short video with with Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener.

What happens when you spot strengths in others?  If you’d like a little help with more practical, tested approaches to spotting strengths and how to appreciate people for them just ask below!

- See more at: http://www.michellemcquaid.com/

Can You Live Happily Ever After?

Will Your Happiness Last?

Have you ever gotten something you’ve longed for, or even dreamed of, only to find a strange twist often follows “…happily ever after”?

It’s that moment where you realize despite having exactly what you want, the shine has somehow worn off and instead of feeling like you’re flourishing you feel completely flat – maybe even weighed down – by what you’ve so hard to get.

I experienced this first hand when I was about 33 years old and landed the job of my dreams in New York.  My role let me travel around the world.  I had wonderful family and friends.  I was in great health.  And had more money than one girl needed to spend.

Instead of flourishing however, it was all I could do each day just to get out of bed.  I was exhausted, stressed out and miserable.

At first I thought I just needed a kick up the you-know-where to appreciate all I had.  When that didn’t work I started to wonder if perhaps I was going a little mad.  Until I uncovered a scientific discovery that put lasting happiness and well-being more practically within my grasp.  Want to know what it was?

How scientists discovered we adapt

Back in the 1970′s psychologists monitored Illinois State Lottery winners who’d won between $50,000 and $1 million.  A fairly positive life changing event that most people expected would let them live happily ever after.

It turns out however, just 12 months later, these winners were no happier than people who’d won nothing at all. So what’s going on?

The truth is human beings have a tremendous capacity to adapt to new relationships, jobs, and wealth, with the result that even such positive life changes yield fewer and fewer rewards with time.  Scientists call this phenomenon “hedonic adaptation.”

Hedonic adaptation explains why both the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat abate with time.

What’s particularly fascinating about this phenomenon, however, is that it’s most pronounced with respect to our happiest experiences. Indeed, it turns out that we’re prone to take for granted pretty much everything positive that happens to us. It’s why happiness never seems to last.

How does this happen?  Professor Sonja Lyubomirksy in her new book, “The Myths Of Happiness“, suggests adaptation is caused by the toll of creeping normalcy and the constant ramping up of expectations that causes us to seek out more, more and more.

While the rate at which we adapt to happiness seems to vary between people and situations, there can be no doubt that our brains thrive on novelty which is why happiness and well-being should never be the destination but the journey.

The good news is Lyubomirsky and her colleagues have found it’s possible to train our brains to overcome, forestall or at least slow down hedonic adaptation and in today’s new episode of Chelle McQuaid TV, I’ll share with you how you can use these approaches to help you consistently flourish.

How can you manage adaptation?

Personally I think over the years adaptation has probably been the thing that most undid my happiness and well-being.  Things that once made me flourish would stop working and I’d give up in a fit of despair.

Turns out all I really needed to be doing was practicing gratitude consistently, sprinkling a good dose of novelty across my well-being approaches and being clear on why some activities were important to me even when they became a little boring.  Most importantly I needed to stop comparing myself to others to put and end to always wanting more, more and more to head off adaptation.

Which of these approaches can you use to reclaim your sense of happiness and well-being from the creeping shadows of adaptation?

You can read more about it here in Lyubomirksy’s book “The Myths of Happiness”and watch her talk more about adaptation here .

And if you want a little help managing adaptation just ask!

- See more at: http://www.michellemcquaid.com/making-happiness-last/